Ah, I always dread this day & June 9th. To people these might seem like ordinary days but for me…those days are filled with discomfort. Not many of you guys know but I grew up without a Father figure in my life. I do believe that my life would be different if my Dad was around but my Mum had to make do being both parental figures.
It was hard. Imagine already having 2 kids with another on the way & then your soulmate, the love of your life, the Father of your children….passes away. What do you do? How do you cope?
My Mum…. didn’t cope well. She cursed, she cried, she pointed fingers and of course she fell into depression. She lost the man she wanted to be with forever & now she had to raise 3 children..3 girls on her own. She was scared….scared because she didn’t know what to tell her older daughter who continuously asked where ‘ Dada ‘ was. Scared because she knew she needed help but didn’t want to be a burden…
I ask again…how do you get over the loss of your soulmate? The love of your life…the Father of your children?
The answer…you don’t. The pain will always be there & even though time has passed you will still remember the little things. Like how he looked at you in the morning, how he spoiled his 2 daughters he knew about ( I was born a few months after he passed ). The way he moved so freely when he played Soccer. Saying ‘ I Love You ‘.
And as I sit and write this….I think about how I was raised & even though I didn’t have my Father around…I think my Mum did alright. I did have my rebellious phase…as well as my 2 older sisters and now have 2 younger siblings to butt heads with as well.
What does this mean? It means I am scared. What if I found my soulmate & lost him? I am filled with so many what ifs that I have created a cloud of doubt in my mind. What if? What if? WHAT IF?! What if I don’t take that leap and miss out on all the wonders of love & happiness? What if?
What if my Dad was around to warn me about boys & have random Father/Daughter talks.
I would have loved to gotten to know you. Played sports with you & go on Father/Daughter dates with you but I settle with Mummy/Daughter dates.
Despite a crazy up bringing and a very & I do mean VERY overprotective Mother…..I think I came out okay. I am still growing as a woman and I am proud to be your daughter.
Thank you for giving me life and thank you for watching over me. Your a pretty cool gaurdian angel.
Love your baby girl.
PS: I just KNOW you would have spoiled me rotten and be proud that I am following my dreams.