Here is one post that I have been contemplating writing for some time now. I wasn’t sure if this post was going to make me sound petty or anything but then when I thought about it….I didn’t care if I came across as petty for writing this post. Why? Well for one thing…this is & will forever be MY blog! My words and MY feelings. Which definitely matter here in this safe space. I have definitely learned my lesson when it comes to trusting way to easily. To put it simply “I refuse to trust anyone off the bat anymore“.
Many of you would be asking yourselves why? What happened to her to feel that way? There was a situation that happened that did put me over the edge to stop allowing people to walk all over me. I started expressing my dissatisfaction on certain things and in the end…not only did my ‘oh she’s always happy and willing to do anything’ turn into ‘omg when did she become a bitch’ but I started smiling less & talking less.
In reality I only became a “bitch” because I was no longer bending over backwards or doing handstands for anyone anymore. I stopped working for free and started asking for payments and I stopped going out of my way for people who didn’t even deserve a hello from me.
Was that wrong of me? No! If anything…I was the one kicking myself down trying to be nice and happy all the time when the same people I was bending over backwards for didn’t care whether or not I had a roof over my head or if I was homeless as long as I did whatever was needed of me.
I was sick of it and sick of myself. I felt low. They didn’t care about me…so I didn’t care about me. I allowed myself to get to a place of true unhappiness and when I needed someone to help me dig my way out…no one was there.
I knew that I needed to make a change for the better. I was no longer going to be trusting right off the bat ( as I stated above ). I was going to let people work for my trust. I was still going to be nice ( because let’s face it…I am a nice person ) but respectable nice. Is that even a real thing or I am making things up now lol. I would always respect someone who respects me but if something doesn’t sit right with me then I wont bite my tongue either. I express myself and I don’t think I will ever go back to allowing people to walk all over me again.
Denim Jacket – Forever 21
Tee – Humility Clothing
Linen Pants – H&M
Sneakers – Rocketdog Footwear
Glasses – Sunglass LA