I feel like lately everything has been rubbing me the wrong way & as much as I love what I do…sometimes I think taking a break is much needed. I also don’t mean from work & creating content. I also mean from family, friends and anything that just triggers negative thoughts.
I have been neglecting the one person who matters the most..which is myself. I have literally been running around doing everything for everyone & I am burnt out. I am not happy. I have lost myself in the facade that I created. No one saw it…so no one asked. Was I okay? The people around me who I wanted help from wasn’t offering me help. I was depressed and sinking into a hole but no one saw it. They saw a hard working girl with a huge smile on her face that bent over backwards for everyone but what did she get in return?
What they didn’t see was the lack of sleep hidden behind my eyes, the puffiness from crying, wearing bigger clothing because she was tired of being called fat, the binge eating & the starvation. It was a vicious cycle that I wanted to end but I couldn’t. I dug myself into deep & I was at the point where I knew I needed help.
I was so nice that when I did something out of the ordinary… I was viewed with disapproving eyes. I was called mean, rude or a bitch. Why? Because everyone was so used to the nice girl that did everything that when I snap they don’t ask if I am okay. What’s wrong or did I need anything? They would talk about me behind my back but smile in my face.
I was completely over the fake-ness that this industry turned people into. I hated pretended that I was happy when I just didn’t want to be around anyone. Who was going to help me? At this point I just knew that I had to help myself. Getting back to my happier self. Doing what made me happy without having any obligations holding me back. If I wanted to travel then I was going to travel. If I wanted to go to a new restaurant and eat my weight in food then I was going to.
I am going to be unapologetically me… fucking happy. If you cannot be happy for me then you are apart of the problem!